i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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