I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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