Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
