he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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