Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
