nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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