She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
