I looked at my own cervix.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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