hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize