I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
