I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
