just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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