I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
