A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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