i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
