We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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