chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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