I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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