if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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