If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
