My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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