It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
