I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
