evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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