i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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