All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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