So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
