Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
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