did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
