i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
