Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
