she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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