My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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