We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
