Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
