I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
