look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
