these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
