We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
