update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Randomize
