She said her name was "party"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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