we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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