What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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