Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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