mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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