Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
