just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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