a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
