Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
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