I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
