the new term for farting is butt boxing.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
