but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
