dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
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