Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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