so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
