They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
