Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
