haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My vagina is officially offended.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize