For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
