They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
