so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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