can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
