I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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