I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
