I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Randomize
