he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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