omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
