awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
