I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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