we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
