my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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