So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
