so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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