i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
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