I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
