i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
