Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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