Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
