Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
