I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
