Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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