I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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