i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
