Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Pappa wants mamma naked
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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