I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize