I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
