She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
