Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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