I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
