dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
