People in love make me want to vomit
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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