My first STD was from a foam party
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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