First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
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