My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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