shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
