so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
