She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
