God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
