im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize