Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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