omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
