Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
